Are you considering getting romantically involved with more than one person? Maybe you have already discussed this option with your partner?
The idea of polyamorous relationships tickles your imagination and curiosity, and having multiple partners may seem fun. It feels almost as appealing as a wide variety of food at a buffet table: different choices of sweet and savory meals can smell and look so enticing!
I am a person who thrives on having choices, and I can imagine the excitement of having more than one person vying for your attention. Could polyamorous relationsnhips work for you? Here are vital things to consider before you dive into it.
1. You won’t feel emotionally invested
It is hard to build an emotional connection with someone when one (or both) of the parties are not fully commited to each other. When you are an adult who is responsible for making your own decisions, you can decide how you want to spend your time. I used to be involved with a man who tried to keep things casual between us. However, our feelings for each other eventually grew to be more serious. The problem was that he did not know how to handle his feelings. Also, he was absolute hell to interact with when he was in his “confused” stage. When someone is lost and confused, you will never know where things stand with them.
If you treat your relationship the same way as your work, you will understand the power of committing to one person at a time. When you are genuinely devoted to your job, your efforts will help you to excel in your industry. However, if you are working two or three jobs, there is only so much time that you can devote to excelling in one particular role. Time spent doing one thing is time taken away from another thing. This principle applies to relationships, too; the time you spend dating multiple people is the time that you are taking away from investing in a meaningful and fulfilling relationship.
The time you spend dating multiple people is the time that you are taking away from investing in a meaningful and fulfilling relationship. Click To Tweet2. It will crush your self-esteem
Just imagine if your employer told you that you are doing well in your job, but there were other employees that he wanted to test out. You want to keep your job, so you agree to this, but you don’t like the fact that your boss is allowing the other employees to sit at your desk and drink out of your coffee mug. In your mind, your job is “yours,” and you want to keep it all to yourself. Being treated this way makes you feel threatened as if your boss does not value you, and that does not feel good.
Now let us examine this from a relationship perspective. If your boyfriend were to tell you that he wants to test out other women to see what kind of girlfriends they would make, how would you feel about yourself? Would you feel special, or would you feel disposable? I cannot think of one single person who does not want to feel special in their relationship. It is crucial for your self-esteem that you feel like you are a priority to your partner.
Imagine that you won an award for being the top salesperson in your company, but your employer forced you to share your award trophy with four other colleagues. Would you resent having to share your prize with others who didn’t invest the time that you did? Relationships are similar: seeing someone who you have deep feelings for sharing their time with someone else can cause you to feel resentful too. Despite of agreeing on polyamorous dating rules with your primary partner, there will be situations when you don’t feel like a top priority, and that can negatively impact your self-esteem.
3. You’ll have to deal with insecurity
Monogamous relationships give you a sense of security. Polyamorous relationships, on the other hand, can give you a distorted view of what love should look like.
Even if all the parties agree to the polyamorous dating rules at the beginning, things can change. That other guy who you decided to see in addition to dating your boyfriend might not be so chill about being “the other man” in the relationship after a while. Some people are very open-minded and they can genuinely enjoy polyamorous relationships, but it is necessary to be realistic. Seasons change, and people change. Not everyone will feel comfortable sharing their mind, body, and soul with a person who has divided loyalties.
The polyamorous union will surely invite more drama into your life. Jealousy can become an unwanted factor in polyamorous relationships, and it can lead people to do destructive things. Stalking, heated arguments, angry outbursts, and even physical violence can happen due to jealousy in relationships. Being in polyamorous relationships increases the possibility of destruction and strife because when people feel insecure, emotions become difficult to control.
Jealousy can become an unwanted factor in polyamorous relationships, and it can lead people to do destructive things. Click To Tweet4. Somebody will get hurt at the end
When you date more than one person at a time, there will be conflicts of interest which you spend your time with on special occasions. Holidays like Christmas and New Year’s Eve might be days when you have a tough time deciding about which partner to spend your time with. If Boyfriend A wants to spend time with you, and you have already made arrangements with Boyfriend B, things may get awkward.
Isn’t life much simpler when we automatically know how we want to spend our time? Boyfriend A will naturally feel lonely, rejected, and resentful for not being chosen as the man who you celebrate the holidays with. When people feel rejected, they will often isolate themselves from the relationship as a way of protecting themselves from further rejection.
Despite mutual partner consensus to date other people, nobody can guarantee that all the partners will be on the same page. While one person can be perfectly fine with such an arrangement, the other person may end up getting hurt. Everyone wants to be appreciated, and it may be hard to achieve in a non-exclusive relationship.
Polyamorous dating may end up bringing confusion, feelings of betrayal, and delusions about power and control. All the parties involved will be competing for the time and attention, and your feelings may get disregarded. So before trying polyamorous relationships, be honest with yourself and answer the question if you are ready to venture down this path.
